Today featured what I like to call the Death Sleep. If you've never heard of this, then you are incredibly lucky. But it's more likely you're simply unfamiliar with the verbiage.

The Death Sleep, unlike comas, leaves you completely passed out as soon as your head hits a pillow. Prior to meeting up with any pillows, you'll find yourself becoming increasingly upset--displayed by tears and possibly more tears.

Once the pillow has made contact with head, the sleeper often finds himself locked into the supine position for much longer than was originally intended.

Upon waking, the sleeper generally feels weak and listless and vaguely worried that they may have just taken a tour of Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory (via the scenic routes) because of the otherwise-unaccountable exhaustion in the arms and legs.

Upon waking, please eat, and return to your pillow for a healthier, regular night's sleep.